Saturday, July 31, 2010

Saturday Love - Boyfriend and Boyfriends?

At 21st century, we girls tend to have boyfriends, and by that I mean, "male friends".
And likewise, given a masculine character like me, I have quite a couple of close friends who are guys too. If you peeps have been reading this space for a while now, you should probably see the same few male faces spammed in my picture entries. Yep, that's them. :)

Anyway, having male friends is seen as something perfectly normal to me.
 However, it's a whole different ball game when you start having a boyfriend who is NOT a personal friend of your boyfriends.

And it upsets me, alot.
(Yes, I am currently facing such a situation.)

I don't blame Mr. Salty for behaving this way.
As in, him being unhappy and all.. As I believe that the problem lies in the generation gap. (Ahh, I can't believe that I associate every problem faced in this relationship to the AGE. But yah, I really think so. )

It's such a tough choice to choose between, boyfriends and boyfriend.
I wish I will never be forced into a situation where they have to be mutually exclusive. Either this or that blah blah, nooo! I hate to make such decisions. 
I mean, friends are really hard to come by, and likewise, sparks and chemistries as hard. So, it really torn me when Mr. Salty is unhappy about my acquaintance with them. It's like a, "are-you-going-to-save-your-mother-or-me-when-we-both-are-drowning situation".

You know, the existence of this problem really propels the start of other problems.
It became really hard for me to speak freely to/ with him. I mean, he's probably going to be irritated, and make some remarks about my boyfriends which in turn irritate me.
Get the drift eh?

I've yet to come up with a really good game plan for this ball game. :(
Maybe y'all can help me out?

Leave a comment below (and not on Facebook)!
Give me some suggestions to rectify this problem.
Or simply share your stories, and/or past experiences.

I love reading love stories.
It's probably my biggest reason for starting Saturday Love. :)


  1. kiss ur boyfirend infront of ur boyfirends... and tat it... the game is finish... ur boyfriend is the winner.... he's simply lack of security and low slef-esteem which i have too..

  2. i totally understand ur situation. e catch to this game is gttin mr salty to gt acquainted wif ur boyfriends. but is oways nt dat easy. as i believe ur boyfriends are around your age, making it hard 4 mr salty to understand wat so great abt wat u all r doin at times. n mr salty has to understand the fact that some of your boyfriends and u had known each other way before u even noe mr salty. if he cn accept this fact, den ur " are-you-going-to-save-your-mother-or-me-when-we-both-are-drowning situation" wil be, "please-save-your-friend-before-me-when-we-are-drowning situation".

  3. you have a bf means, you already commited to a relationship. you might have to draw a line with ur boyfriends to shows a clear connections. you still can have them as boy's friends, just that treat it another way. gaps is not the problem, but thought is. we cannot control thoughts but to step back and tolerate (as he see u step back, he'll tolerate u back-tis happens to me =]). Not to choose between one of them and give up, but ask yourself who is your priority and who you gonna live with the rest of your life. (not to compare btw mum & lover =P, as both are really important!)i'm not sure if he is really the one u gonna spend your life with but..we don't know future.

  4. I have this situation before, I guess your boyfriend is insecure like my boyfriend. I had a talk with my boyfriend, I reassure him, and said, its impossible for me to give up my friend for you, you wouldn't like it if I ask you to give up your friends for me. And when I go out with my male friends, I will tell him and meet him later. But my real solution is I organize drinking session for them, and when they meet up and talk and get to know each other, he stop being so jealous and insecure. I guess your male friend have a role to play also (: Hope it helps.

  5. Hello! have'nt commented for a super long time..

    You know I don't think it's the generation gap issue. Althought I'm not too far off Salty's age.. I feel Boyfriend don't like to share their girlfriend with boyfriends. I donno.. maybe it is easier for girls to accept their boyfriend to go out with other girls? Or then again maybe not.. It's about mutual trust.. You would'nt feel confortable if your boyfriend has a couple of close girlfriends as compared to now No? I guess its hard to trust another guy you don't know.. for the fact you can't even trust some you know.. It's kind of is there really such things as platonic friendship bettween a guy and a girl? I'm not too sure about it but I feel its more of a no.

    I guess you'll have to slowly nurture the trust in the relationship..
    It's my 2 cents worth =)
    Hope all goes well!

  6. Yep. I tried. They are just people of different characters. My bf hates to hang out w my friends. You see, I kinda host parties for ButterFactory every week for the past 1 year, and he has never been to any one of them. :( Ok, yah he did. Once when we were together..

  7. How is that fair to stick to one guy who I got to know for just a year, and forsake friends who've been through thick and thin with me for years? How to treat my friends the other way? These friends that I refer to are real deal friends. Friends whom I love dearly. It's really hard to come by..

  8. (Chris, I copy pasted your email to me here. I think your computer is laggy so you can't see the commenting box. )

  9. I think since this issue is a known one between the both of you, there's nothing more you can do. If im you, i'd avoid getting into conflict, and let him know about the fact that you're trying to avoid this same conflict. As you can see, it's becoming a pattern... what you must do is to break the sick cycle.

    I'm sure he knows its not okay for him to 'attack' your friends and be jealous, and he most probably didn't do it intentionally. But even when its unintentional - it still hurts. So instead of reacting as per usual, i suggest that you can highlight to him like "hey! We're being sucked back to the same old quarrel, like the one we had last week?"...

    Viceversa, it's normal that you want to share with him everything thats going on with your life - including things about your friends. But since he reacts "undesirably" at the brief mention of them, i think its best to stop mentioning about them to him. And allow him to tell you "hey! let's not talk about them or we're gonna start quarreling again!". 

    Quarreling about this same thing over and over is gonna stress you out big time, and this has to stop. Your friends is a big part of your life, but they are not everything! I know both of you can work this out tgt! All the best! =]

  10. My views..

    As long as you did nothing wrong, you shouldnt stop doing it because of someone.

    Try telling him that they is nothing to be jealous or fear, trusting your partner is one of the main event in every relationship.

    And a boyfriend should trust his partner. If he has seen something he doesnt like, then maybe he can try sharing with you, and if you feel he is right, maybe both of you can compromise each other?

    For me, i would choose both parties compromising each other, as in a relationship, you got to lose abit of everything else.

    I'm just saying my view, for my ol' classmate.

  11. Guys and girls both can have many friends of the opposite sex and some of them may be very close. My wife used to love to go out with her friends and some of them were guys. It takes great maturity and also self confidence to be able to allow your loved one to go out with someone else or to be with someone else of the opposite sex. Maturity in the sense that you have to understand that what is your is yours and if he or she were to run away, you cannot force them to stay. Self confidence in the sense that you have to know that you are the only one for them and that they cannot find any better.

    I told my wife that she were free to go out, but then she had to be frank with me and also to go back as early as she can. In the beginning, it was hell on earth, but in the end, when she got home, she would call me. After a while, she also automatically stopped it as she felt guilty and knew I was stressed out. Now, she will automatically tell me and will only go out with other women friends and not need any other men.

    I hope this helps...

  12. I don't think it's the generation gap? But if he can't accept you having close guy friends then I guess it would be good to leave him. After all, trust is really important in a relationship. 

    Clearly, his lack of trust is evident. 

    But then again, it's your call :)

  13. Having many close guy friends is one thing - but when you get too comfortable with them and let them put their arm around you, it makes your guy feel less special. Guys are after all territorial creatures.  

  14. ok, from a male's pov, u're young, n i dunno how much older is ur bf.. if it's anything more than 5yrs older, sorry to say there isn't much u can do

    u see, there muz be a reason why ur bf doesn't like ur male frens.. Too crazy? Too childish? Or juz nothing to talk abt. Insecurity stems from the fact that he still dunno them well enuff n view tham as threats. Nt sure abt this though

    This owas happens when u get a bf from another era, sorry for being blunt here.. Cos i've female frens who haf bf 10yrs their senior n they nv hangout or talk much with her frens.

    When 2 persons are at different stages of their life, it's owas hard to work things out. I can already feel ur bf is not at all comfortable with ur age, asking u to look older to go to the wedding banquet with him? N he doesn't go to ur parties, maybe he's nt a clubbing/party person? Or maybe the crowd juz dun fit him??

    u haf to be prepared for these kinda things when u get a partner with such a big age gap.. Sometimes, love is not enuff to make things work..

  15. Get your boyfriend to hang out more with yr friends. once they clicked, it shldnt be a prob.

    i know he dont wanna get too close to yr friends cause he didnt wanna seem like a loser if you get yr way.

    plan yr moves carefully.

  16. learn to prioritize between friends and your bf. to meet someone special in your life isnt easy. protect ur r/s..if you feel he is the right one. friends are impt but if your guy friends are obstacles to your potential happiness .. then what is the point? True friends will understand and will not be angry and upset if you nvr spend much time for them. They should in fact feel happy for you for finding your special one.
    Your bf is just a normal human being, not a saint. if he doesnt feel upset over your guy friends.. then i can assure you there is something wrong with him. it is normal for guys to feel it 20, 30 or even 40. 
    age doesnt matters.